22/12/2021

I want to keep a promise

I want to keep a promise

In 2015 I left the Royal Marines, I gained qualifications in project management and entered civvy street, the next year I spent unemployed, stacking up at the job centre, I know I am not the only person in our community that has gone through this..

When my son was born in 2011 I made a promise to myself, I would NEVER expose him to the childhood I had, physical and emotional neglect, abuse, homelessness or abandonment (a whole different story). During my time unemployed in 2015/16 I racked up over £25,000 of debt (pay bills, pay rent, buy food etc) just trying to sustain a normal life that shielded them from the struggles that a few of us are far too familiar with, I blew every credit facility I had and more in the hope that I would find employment, eventually I did but the damage was done.

The debt I racked up now sees me paying £1,000 per month, out of my account on the day I get paid, I probably have another year of this struggle before that reduces and I can breathe again, I will get there…

Now I am NOT asking anyone to pay for my debts, I am not an alcoholic, I don’t have a gambling problem or any sort of addiction, I am working as hard as I possibly can. My problem really came home in June, after years of damage and struggling through my marriage broke down. My wife is an amazing woman, very supportive, a great mother, we are very amicable but there is only so much she (and I) can take as a human being and she has her own needs that need to be fulfilled.. what is the point of living if not to be fulfilled.

So here I am, staying in my mates house for the last 4 months, I can’t bring the kids round here and they can’t stay here, I don’t see them in the week and at planned weekends I have to rely on her to go to family so I can spend time with them. It is time for me to get a grip of this situation so I have worked out my finances over the last 4 months and managed to secure a small flat on a Zero deposit guarantee (still cost £180 so not sure how it is zero deposit?)

Month by month I can get by, just, I will be living like a monk for the next year but will be able to pay my bills and my debts with pennies to spare each month… it’s workable, I will make it work, I have no choice. However, to keep my promise to my kids, I need to make sure that they have a second home that is clean, safe and provides for them, I also don’t want them to worry that I am struggling or think I am a loser. I am a member of the Royal Marines Reserve and this small wage has been helping me, however the budget has been slashed and all RMR has now been suspended until April next year!!

My ask is for £1,000, this will enable me to buy a bed, a safa, cups and plates, bowls, towels etc.. I am effectively starting again. I need to show my kids that I am okay, that they are okay and that life can move on positively after setbacks.. I know a lot of you will understand this. I also think that for me to get through this next year I need my kids, I need to see them and spend time with them, I need to not feel ashamed and I need to make sure I don’t spiral.

I have supported Op Spartan from the very beginning (and paid in to the fund), I have always believed in the concept, I just never thought I would ever need it! So here I am asking for help, it comes with a second promise that I will keep, I will pay back every penny with interest in order to enable others to seek and get help from Op Spartan when they need it the most.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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